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GM3YEW > HUMOUR   17.11.19 07:02z 193 Lines 6606 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 11277_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 17/11
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<UA6ADV<LU4ECL<ZL2BAU<N9PMO<GB7YEW
Sent: 191117/0659Z @:GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO #:11277 LinBPQ6.0.18

As Grandmother used to say 
 
 Ice in November to bear a duck,the rest of the winter'll be slush and muck
 
---------
 Things To Make You Ponder
 
14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
 
---------
 
A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a 
Visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 
'I want to get one of them dayvorces.' The lawyer said, 'Do you have any
Grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, 
You don't understand, Do you have a suit? The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a 
Suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, 
Do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a 
John Deere. The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer 
Said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere' The lawyer 
Said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we 
Both get up at 4:30.' 
By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question 
The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a 
Little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a 
Dayvorce.'
 
 
 ----
 
 
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though
they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and
yelling could be heard deep into the night.
 
The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out
of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'
neighbours feared him. They believed he practiced black magic,
because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their
neighbourhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To
everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.
 
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went
straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow..
 
Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that
he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come
back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'
 
The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried
upside down......'
 
(Women - they think of everything!!!!)
 --------
 
       THESE ARE REAL NOTES WRITTEN BY PARENTS IN AN ARKANSAS SCHOOL
       DISTRICT.  (SPELLINGS HAVE BEEN LEFT INTACT.)
 
 
       --MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY.
       PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
 
       -- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER 
SHOT.
 
       --DEAR SCHOOL:  PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30,
       31,32 AND ALSO 33.
       --PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY.  SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
 
       --PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E.  FOR A FEW DAYS.  YESTERDAY HE FELL 
OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
 
       --JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
 
       --CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL.  HE 
WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
 
       --MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED 
BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
 
       --JONNY WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
 
       -- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL.  HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
 
       -- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.  HE HAD (DIAHRE, 
DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SHITS.  [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT].
 
       --PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.  HE HAD DIARRHEA, 
AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
 
       --IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
 
       -- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING.  IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT.
 
       -- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING 
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
 
       --PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY.  WE FORGOT TO 
GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY.  WE THOUGHT 
IT WAS SUNDAY.
 
       -- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY.  WE HAVE TO ATTEND 
HER FUNERAL.
 
       -- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED.  SHE SPENT 
A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES.
 
       -- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.  HE HAD A COLD AND 
COULD NOT BREED WELL.
 
       --PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY.  SHE WAS IN BED WITH 
GRAMPS.
 
       --GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
 
       --PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA.  SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
 
       --MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORE 
THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH.  HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AND SORE 
THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE 
BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER . THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, 
HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
 
 
Rough text -
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread
gossip.
 
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
 
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you
know what I just heard about Diogenes?"
 
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a
little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
 
"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's
take a moment to filter what you're going
to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you
are about to tell me is true?"
 
"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."
 
"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now
let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness.
Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"
 
"No, on the contrary..."
 
"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that
may be bad, even though you're not certain
it's true?"
 
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass
the test though, because there is a third filter,
the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to
be useful to me?"
 
"No, not really."
 
"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor
Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or
anyone at all?"
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a
great philosopher and held in such high
esteem.
 

 
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was screwing his
wife.
 
 
 
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
  
  
 


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