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GM3YEW > HUMOR    12.07.18 09:03l 214 Lines 4582 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 15059_GB7YEW
Subj: jokes 12/7
Sent: 180712/0621Z 15059@GB7YEW.GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.14

  As Grandmother used to say 
 If salt is sticky and gains in weight, it will rain before too late
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and 
love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not 
try to understand her at all. 
 ____________ _________ _________ 
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. 
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does ! 
____________ _________ ________ 
 A woman has the last word in any argument. 
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.  
____________ _________ ________ 


A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous
Blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!ö the fellow exclaims.
So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an
Absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on,
The furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers,
“Ah, Sir, that particular fur goes for £165,000.ö
“No problem! I'll write you a chequeö
“Very good, Sir.ö says the shop owner, “Today is Saturday. You may
Come by on Monday to pick it up, after the cheque has cleared.ö
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.
The store owner is outraged: “How dare you show your face in
Here?! There wasn't a single penny in your cheque  account!!ö
“Yes, sorry about that but I just had to come by,ö grinned the guy,
“to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!ö

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out
Across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately
The rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
Pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
Sees a man crying on the side of the road
And pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit
And killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down,
And sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them
And hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again,
He hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, 
Hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats
This again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says...

(Are you ready for this?) 

(it's definitely a Blonde Joke!) 

(You know you could just click off and not read the punch line....) 

(You know you're gonna be sorry) 

(Last chance) 

(OK, here it is) 

It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave." 

Sexual - 

Subject: a Dirty Joke


A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were
Staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting 
On a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in 
The middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that 
They were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his
Assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it
Depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a 
Predominately white, patriarchal society.

"In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the 
Pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression 
Experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said:
"Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of 
The gallery?" asked the couple.

"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there's 
No African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal-miners. 
The guy in the middle went home for lunch."


73 de dave

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