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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 23.04.19 06:05z 240 Lines 7113 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 32171_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 23/4
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<DB0RES<DB0OVN<DB0GOS<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<N9PMO<
VE3UIL<GB7YEW
Sent: 190423/0555Z 32171@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Rain before seven, fine before eleven
-----
David had his ID stolen the other week.
We now just refer to him as Dav
--
School Has Changed
----------------------
This teacher went into her classroom about fifteen minutes before the class
Was supposed to begin and caught a bunch of boys in a huddle on their knees
In the corner of the room.
She demanded of them what they were doing and one of them hollered back
We're shooting craps."
She says"Oh! Well that's all right. I was afraid you were praying."
Compliments
-----------
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a
Few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented
"These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment but as he was leaving to go home he said "That
Was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."
Bizarre Recycling Facts
-----------------------
Americans use enough corrugated cardboard in a year to make a bale the size
Of a football field. About 40% of it is recycled.
If Americans recycled half our newsprint every year we'd need 3200 fewer
Garbage trucks to collect municipal trash.
Americans throw away enough used motor oil every year to fill 120
Supertankers. It could all be recycled.
To make plastics the U.S. Uses about a billion barrels of petroleum
By-products each year. This is enough to fill over 56000 Olympic-sized
Swimming pools.
Every year Americans dispose of 1.6 billion pens 2 billion razors and
Blades and 18 billion diapers.
Americans use 100 million steel and tin cans every day. We recycle about 5%
Of them.
According to the EPA we create enough garbage every year to fill a convoy
Of 10-ton garbage trucks 145000 miles long.
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-Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up
in the morning.
-Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
-A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
-People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being
indoors a lot more.
-When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart.
-Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
-Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
-Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they
are 2-6 years old.
-The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
-40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
-The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
-Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
-Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
-Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
-Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the
same airplane, just in case there is a crash
-The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a
tomato can for a carburetor.
-Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut
from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
-If colouring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
-The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood.
-No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
-Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
-1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
-You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
-The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.
-A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's
first flight.
-Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
-The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of
Varieties of pickles the company once had.
-The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
-Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
-The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
-Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the
entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
-Adolf Hit's mother seriously considered having an abortion
but was talked out of it by her doctor.
-All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like
being seen wearing them in public.
-Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
-It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather
for a year's supply of footballs.
-Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for
dating are already married.
-The three most valuable brand names on earth:
Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
-Average life span of a major league baseball: seven pitches.
-A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
-Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name
contains all the letters from the word "criminal."
-Humans consume 6 gallons of saliva a year
-The larger your head the smaller your brain.
-Every 30 seconds, somewhere in the world someone commits suicide.
-Every minute a meteor (most likely small ones) hits the earth.
-Slugs and potatoes have the same atomic structure as a black
hole. (I doubt this is true but think about eating something
that has the atomic structure of a black hole)
-46% of percentage statistics are randomly made up on the spot.
-In Texas, if 2 trains meet at a railroad track, both trains
shall stop and neither will continue until the other has gone
-When you die, your nails still grow
-Every 300 seconds a Starbucks is opened
-Human thigh bones are as strong as concrete
-Slugs have 4 noses
-There is enough carbon in our bodies to fill 900 pencils
-If you are asleep, you grow averagely 2 centimeters
-While awake and being upright, you shrink the same amount
as you grow in the morning
-"Out of sight, out of mind" when translated by computer into
Russian and back becomes "Invisible maniac".
-When biting your finger nails u swallow the same amount of
germs as licking a toilet seat
-You have a better chance to die on your way to get a lottery
ticket than actually winning the lottery.
-Around every 300.000 years the polarity of the Earth
changes (I definitely know this is true. I saw a documentary
on it)
-In medieval England there was once a proposed law that only
someone of the rank of baron or higher could eat a meat pie
-The words assassination and bump were made by Shakespeare
-No Person may keep a skunk as a pet- VA
-It is illegal to park a car on railroad tracks- VA
-It is illegal for a woman to drive a car down main street
unless her husband is in front of the car waving a red flag- VA
-It is illegal to wrestle bears- Alabama
-Putting salt on railroad tracks will lead to death penalty- Alabama
-If an animal control officer is wearing his uniform it
signifies he is an animal control officer- Alabama (lol)
-It is illegal to sell your children- Florida!
-There was once a proposed American law that the death sentence
would be used for violent offences such as:
1. Assasinating the president
2. Hijacking an airliner.
3. Murdering an official poultry inspector
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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