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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 03.02.19 16:25z 109 Lines 3461 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 26250_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 5/1
Path: HB9ON<HB9ON<HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<EA2RCF<ZL2BAU<N9PMO<ZS0MEE<GB7YEW
Sent: 190105/0710Z 26250@GB7YEW.GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.17
As Grandmother used to say
Spring makes everything young except man
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother
and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to
another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept
repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?
Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to
interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain
is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?
A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."
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I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a
Close call yesterday.
I walked into B&Q hardware store at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in a
Black shirt with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking.
Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the swine out.
Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.
Pass this warning on.
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving
At him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place
Where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're
The father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only
Time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper
From the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my
Buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet
Celery???'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
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What Do Retired People Do All Day?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing
out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi t***.
He glared at me and began writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a sh** head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield
with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him,
the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We'd come into town by bus.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.
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THIS OUGHT TO MAKE ALL GRANDPAS FEEL WARM & FUZZY
A six year old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her
Grandpa.When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and
bursts into her Grandpa's room ......"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says
excitedly, "As soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like
a frog!""What?" said her Grandpa."Make a noise like a frog - because my
mother said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land!ö
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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