| |
GM3YEW > HUMOUR 16.03.19 07:32z 190 Lines 5669 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 29822_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 16/3
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<DB0RES<DB0OVN<DB0GOS<ON0AR<GB7CIP<GB7YEW
Sent: 190316/0729Z 29822@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Snow like cotton soon forgotten
-
Grateful Marriage
-----------------
An elderly couple Minnie and Max sit down to their dinner.
Before eating his wife speaks up. "Can I ask you a question Max?"
"Sure Minnie" Max says waiting to dig into his meal.
"Has our 50 years of marriage made you grateful?"
"yes indeed!" Max replied. "For the twenty years I was a bachelor!"
-------------
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynaecologist.
'Come now' coaxed the doctor you've been seeing me for years!
There's nothing you can't tell me. 'This one's kind of strange...'
'Let me be the judge of that The doctor replied.
'Well' she said' yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard
A plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down the water was full
of pennies.'
'I see.'
'That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and plink-plink-plink there
were 5p's in the bowl.'
'That night' she went on 'I went again Plink-plink-plink and there were
10p's and this morning there were 50p's !
You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!' she imploredI 'm scared
out of my wits!'
The gynaecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
'there there, after all it's nothing to be scared about.'
'You're simply going through the change!
--------------------
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend Common sense who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for
sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic
red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain Why the early bird gets the worm
Life isn't always fair Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple sound financial policies:
Don't spend more than you can earn.
And reliable strategies: adults not children are in charge.
His health began to deteriorate when parents attacked teachers for doing
the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer Tylenolsun lotion or a band-aid to a student but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have
an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband Churches became businesses and criminals received better
treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when it became punishable for you to
defend yourself from a burglar in your own home but the burglar could sue
you for assault. He began to lose ground rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her
lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust
his wife discretion his Daughter Responsibility and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothersI Know My Rights Someone Else Is
To blame and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If
you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
nothing.
-------
Sexual content -
Guy walks into a bar and asks for 6 double whiskies.
"Why so many?"asks the barman.
"I've just found out that my older brother is gay"he replies
and downs them all very quickly and leaves.
Next day he's back in the bar and asks for another 6
double whiskies.
"What's happened now?"asks the barman.
"My younger brother has just told me that he's gay"replies
the guy and again downs the drinks and leaves.
Third day he's back and the barman says"Doesn't anyone
in your place like women?"
"Yes"replies the guy"my wife".
-------
Finally the true story as told by Hillary Clinton to world leaders.
"Some years ago nearing dinner time at the White House
our regular cook fell ill and they had to get a replacement on
short notice.
He wasn't the smartest looking guy in fact he seemed a bit dirty.
The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was
told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.
"Just before the meal Bill noticed the cook sticking his finger in the
soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff but he
was assured that many chefs did that.
"Dinner went Okay although Bill thought that the soup tasted a little
funny. By the time dessert came he started to have stomach cramps
and nausea. It was getting worse and worse until finally the President
had to excuse himself.
"By now Bill was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so
disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.
He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found
a door that opened.
"As he unzipped his trousers and ran inhe realized to his horror that he had
stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.
As he was about to pass out this naive girl bent over him and heard the
President whisper in a barely audible voice:
"Sack my cook"
"And that ladies and gentlemen is how the whole misunderstanding occurred."
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
