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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 09.03.19 09:10z 221 Lines 5437 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 29468_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 9/3
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<DB0RES<DB0OVN<DB0GOS<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<VE3UIL<
VA7RBP<GB7YEW
Sent: 190309/0903Z 29468@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
When the days begin to lengthen the cold begins to strengthen
-----
Paddy's struggling down the road with a wardrobe.
A friend says "Hey Paddy, why don't ya get your pal
Mick to help?"
Paddy says, "He's inside carrying the clothes"
----
Boat Names
----------
A boating magazine ran a contest for clever boat names. The following
names reeled in the honours:
Brace Yourself (owned by an orthodontist)
Sir Osis of the River
Aqua Seltzer
Out to Launch
Watertight Alibi (owned by a lawyer)
Meals on Reels
The Merri Yot
And from a landscape contractor Yard Buoy.
If Microsoft Ran MacDonalds
---------------------------
Bill Gates recently compared the software market with the soft drink
Market. He says Microsoft is struggling to survive but that the beverage
Giant will be on top forever because the Department of Justice doesn't pick
On them. Of course Bill should be careful not to give Coke any ideas. We
Might end up with a scenario like the following:
Joe: (walking into McDonalds) hi I'd like a Big Mac.
Cashier: okay here's your Big Mac and here's your Coke. That'll be $3.99.
Joe: uh I don't want a Coke.
Cashier: sorry they're bundled.
Joe: What? I'm not paying for a Coke!
Cashier: You don't the Coke is free.
Joe: But wasn't a Big Mac $2.49 last week?
Cashier: sure but this latest Big Mac is far more innovative. It's got
Integrated Coke!
Joe: I already bought a Snapple across the street... I'm not going to drink
The Coke.
Cashier: Then you can't have the burger.
Joe: ok fine I will pay the $3.99 and throw the Coke away.
Cashier: oh you can't do that. They're seamlessly integrated. Totally
Inseparable.
Joe: How can that be? They're two totally separate things!
Cashier: No watch. (Takes Big Mac dunks it in a tank of Coke) See?
Joe: Why did you just do that?!
Cashier: It's a benefit to the consumer. Otherwise you'd end up with two
Different inconsistent tastes. This way you're assured of a continuous
Taste across all your foods.
Joe: avatar!
News
----
The good news? A New York man won the lottery. It pays out over a 20 year
Period. The bad news? The man's doctors give him about a year to live. The
Worse news? New York lottery officials won't lump sum the money.
The Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
And the personal favourite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
-----------------------------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today' Jack says as he stepped out of the
shower 'honey what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money' she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Lord I pray for Wisdom to understand my man Love to forgive him
And Patience for his moods. Because Lord if I pray for Strength I'll beat
him to death.
AMEN
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
-----------------
sexual
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to
place her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and
Reveals her lack of underwear. Good God Woman! Why aren't
you wearing any skivvies?' Ole demanded. 'Well you don't give me
Enough housekeeping money to afford Any.' The Swede immediately
reaches into his pocket and says'For the sake of
Decency here's' a $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt
also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies'I can't afford any on the money you give me.' Patrick reaches
into his pocket and says' For the sake of decency here's a $20. Go
and buy yourself some underwear!'
Lastly the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over
her head to reveal that she too is naked under it 'Jings Crivens an Help
ma boab Aggie! Whaur the the hell ur yer breeks?'
She too explains'You dinna gee-me enough money at be able at afford ony.
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says 'Well fur the love 'o
Goad here's a comb... Tidy yersell up a bit.
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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