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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 03.03.19 08:52z 190 Lines 5243 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 29083_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 3/3
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<DB0RES<DB0OVN<DB0GOS<ON0AR<GB7CIP<GB7YEW
Sent: 190303/0845Z 29083@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
What is it moulds the life of man? The weather
---------
Quote
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My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who
Do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the
First group; there was much less competition.
--Indira Gandhi
Lawyer
------
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit
The door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene,
The lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer,
"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that
Your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh nooooo...", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left
Shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!"
Q&A
---
Q: What did the baby light bulb say to his mommy?
A: "I wuv you watts and watts."
Q: Why was the broom late for work?
A: Because he over-swept.
Updated Punishment
------------------
"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, shaking his
Head, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But our
Son has his own colour TV, phone, computer and CD player."
"So what do you do when your son misbehaves?" asked his friend.
"I send him to our room!"
-------------
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is £9.50 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it
Deaf
----
"My grandfather is hard of hearing, he needs to read lips - I don't mind
Him reading lips, but he uses those yellow high-lighters."
- Brian Kiley
Sexual -
Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult,
four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to
give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles
black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his
penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a
close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very,
very closely...... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?
--------
Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there
is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not
bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway
down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way....
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like
he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells....
"Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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