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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 10.08.20 07:02z 221 Lines 5635 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 23146_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: jokes 10/8
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR1UAW<I3XTY<IK1NHL<CX2SA<N9PMO<GB7YEW
Sent: 200810/0605Z 23146@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
If the first week in August is unusually warm, the coming winter will be snowy and long
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Thoughts
I've seen better days, but I've also seen worse.
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A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
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"Irrationality is the square root of all evil"
-- Douglas Hofstadter
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GEOGRAPHY?
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
Talking... and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is
farther away... Florida or the moon? " The other blonde turns and says
"Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????
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CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells
the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is
idling smoothly.She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "And, how often do I have to do that?"
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I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was
having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,'Daddy,
look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in
my mouth and said,
'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on
the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'
She replied,
'What happened to my bogey?'
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A man went to a barber for a trim and a shave. While the barber was
Lathering the man up for his shave, the man told the barber that he
Always has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.
The barber pulled a small wooden ball out of this cabinet drawer.
Place this small ball between your cheek and gum on the right side and
I can give you a close shave."
The man did this, and the barber shaved the right side
Of his face. "Wow!" exclaimed the man, "that is great!"
He put the ball in the left side of his mouth, in anticipation of the
Barber's' next move and with muffled voice asked, "But what happens if
I occidentally swallow the ball?"
The barber said, "Just bring it back the next day,. ..
that's what the last guy did."
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A Saskatchewan police officer had a perfect spot to watch for speeders
but wasn't getting many.
Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the
road with a hand painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD'
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign
reading 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money.
(And we used to just sell lemonade!)
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A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated
radar post in Edmonton , AB.
A $40 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
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A young woman was pulled over for speeding.
As the Saskatchewan RCMP Officer walked to her car window, flipping
open his ticket book, she said,
I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the RCMP Ball.
He replied, 'Ma'am, Saskatchewan RCMP don't have balls.'
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.
He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and drove off.
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With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine
was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home,
I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K..?!!'
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A bit coarse -
Historical Note -
A little boy goes to his father and asks, 'What is Politics and why is
That Teresa May on the television again?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the
People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up
To check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother
Asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the
Door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with
The nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think
I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you
Think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working
Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being
Ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
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