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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 26.02.19 08:05z 217 Lines 5396 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 28798_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 26/2
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<DB0RES<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<N9PMO<VE3UIL<VA7RBP<
GB7YEW
Sent: 190226/0756Z 28798@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity
-----
The Mirror
----------
A gent from Chicago was on a fishing vacation up north in the Wisconsin
Woods. He was out fishing on a lake in a small boat and not having much
Luck.
He noticed a man in another small boat that was close by, open his tackle
Box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and enquired,
"What is the mirror for?"
"That's my secret way to catch fish," replied the other man. "I Shine the
Mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the
Water above and they swim up to the surface. Then I just reach down, net
Them and pull them into the boat."
"Wow! Does that really work?" exclaimed the guy from Chicago
"You bet it does." was the response.
"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $50 for it."
Offered the big city gent.
"Well, okay." said the country guy. After the money was transferred, the
City fisherman asked, "By the way, how many did you catch this week?"
"You're the sixth."
College Advice
--------------
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
And, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
Heart
-----
I was gong to give my girl one of those heart balloons for Valentine's Day.
But she said she didn't want an angioplasty.
--------------
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well
taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
Hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his
spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this
wonderful sweet dog is
And ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house
for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up
on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?'
-----------
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her
daughter was having sex..
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the
family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and
any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told
her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then,
talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date,
the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother,
saying, 'Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating
Susan!'
-----------
Coarse
Condom factory burns down in ENGLAND
Rt. Hon Andy Burnham MP MINISTER FOR HEALTH is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
'Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency!!
I've just received word that the Durex factory in Liverpool has burned to the ground.
It is estimated that the entire English supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week.'
Rt. Hon Andy Burnham MP: 'Sh*t !!
The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies.. We'll be ruined.'
'We're going to have to ship some in from France ?'
'Bad idea! The frogs will have a field day on this one.'
Junior Minister: 'What about Scotland ?'
Rt. Hon Andy Burnham MP: 'I'll call Nicola Sturgen.'
Tell her we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches thick.
That way they'll continue to respect the English
Three days later a delighted Andy Burnham MP runs out to open the boxes that arrived
at the Post Office.
He finds five million condoms:
10 inches long, 3 inches thick, all coloured blue and white with small writing on each one.
MADE IN SCOTLAND - SIZE: MEDIUM
SCOTLAND FOR EVER
Train
-----
On a transcontinental train trip, a man and woman who had never met before
Found themselves sharing a sleeping cabin. Though uncomfortable, they were
Both married to other people, so they decided to make the best of the
Situation. The man volunteered to sleep in the top bunk and the woman took
The lower one.
They both fell asleep quite quickly, but around 1:00 in the morning, the
Man reached down and tapped the woman on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, ma'am," he whispered, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you
Be willing to get the spare blanket from the closet by the door? I'm
Awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," the woman replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend
We're married to each other."
"That's a great idea!" the man exclaimed.
"Good," she replied, "get your own blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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