| |
GM3YEW > HUMOUR 30.07.20 06:02z 122 Lines 2753 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 22737_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: jokes 30/7
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IQ2LB<GB7COW<N9PMO<GB7YEW
Sent: 200730/0542Z 22737@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Cloudy mornings turn to clear afternoons
-----------
Quotes
As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.
-- Shakespeare, "King Lear"
------
Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is? A: One per person.
---
Harvard Law:
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as
it damn well pleases.
---
1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
-------
All extremists should be taken out and shot.
Orders
------
As a department head stationed on a Navy vessel, I was concerned about one
Of my senior enlisted men. He was a superb technician, but he had a
Problem taking orders.
One day I took him aside and suggested he try something that had worked for
Me. "Whenever an officer gives you a directive that you think is stupid,"
I told him, "just say, 'Yes sir.' But in your mind, think, 'your 're an
Idiot!' Will this work for you?"
He smiled at me and replied, "Yes, sir!"
Electricity
-----------
"Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning,
Which is attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the
Electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and
Burned in big ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity...
Where it is transformed by TV sets into commercials for beer, which passes
Through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is
Known as a 'circuit.'" --Dave Barry
-------
A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's
Pulled over by the Police. The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have
You been drinking Sir?"
"Why?" asks the man, "Was I driving badly?"
"No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat
Bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious"
Sexual nature -
The $100 Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night and his wife Linda says "Where in
the hell have you been?" He replies"I was out getting a tattoo."
A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said shaking her head in
disdain"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar
bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well for one I like to watch my money grow and two once in a
while I like to play with my money three I like how money feels in
my hand and lastly instead of you going out shopping you can stay
right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
