| |
GM3YEW > HUMOUR 06.04.20 07:13z 193 Lines 4642 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 18068_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: jokes 6/4
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IQ2LB<IK1NHL<IR1UAW<I0OJJ<N6RME<CX2SA<PE1RRR<K5DAT<
KE0GB<GB7YEW
Sent: 200406/0628Z 18068@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
The north wind has no corn and a poor man no friend
----
Thought for the day
Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.
---------
Puns for those with a higher IQ
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
--------
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another
2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and
another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2
apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats
and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
A very angry Teacher: Where do you get seven from?!?!?
Very angry Johnny:
Because I've already got a bloody cat at home !!!
----------
Love The Irish
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find
me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the
rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!â€Ö
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
Paddy was in New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy
street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted,
'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time,
Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the
Catholics across?'
------
When you're from the country ~ your perception is a little
different.
A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbour's, and knocked
at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are,
if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to
your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Linda
pregnant."'
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about
that.. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't
know how much he charges for Howard."
--------
Coarse & sexual language
Three Englishmen were in a pub , when they spotted a Scotsman at the
bar.
The first one said he was going to piss him off.
So he walked over to the Scotsman and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey Jock, I hear that your St. Andrew was a complete poofter ."
"Oh aye really? Hmm! I didna ken that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his mates.
"I told him his St. Andrew was a poof and he didn't care!"
"You just don't know how to set him off. Watch and learn."
So the second Englishman walked over and tapped the Scotsman on the
shoulder.
"Hey Jock, I hear that your St. Andrew was a raving transvestite poof!"
"Oh, jings! I didnae know that, Thank you."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies.
"You're right, ...he's completely unshakeable!"
"No, no, no! " says the third Englishman, "I will really piss him
off, you just watch."
The Englishman walked over to the Scotsman, tapped him on the
shoulder and said...
"Hey Jock I hear your St. Andrew was actually an Englishman!"
"Aye! ......so yer mates were sayinâ€Ö...."
==========
Here is a little story to cheer all us men up....it did wonders for me!!
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate
test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided
to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the
beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.
As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the
bed and the nurse began the examination.
"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"
said the nurse.
"I haven't got an erection" said the man.
"No, but I have" replied the nurse.
--
Best Wishes
Dave.
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
