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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 01.11.19 07:34z 227 Lines 6969 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 10684_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 1/11
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR1UAW<I0OJJ<I3XTY<GB7COW<GB7YEW
Sent: 191101/0729Z 10684@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
A month that comes in good, goes out bad
----
Things To Make You Ponder
4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
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It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln
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A 90-year-old man goes for a physical check-up.
All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great.
How are you doing mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with God?'
George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's
fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the Bathroom,
poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes Off.'
'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says..
A little later in the day, the Doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' he says,
'George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with
God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the
Bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The light goes off?'
'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!
---------
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead,
Go Slow."
_________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using
tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me
how I spell it.
_______________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula
for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Gus, why do you always get so dirty?
GUS: Cause I'm a lot closer to the ground than
you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right. I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet.
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now,Louie,
do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to. My Mom's a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
---------------
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday
Afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming
from the other direction.
"Hello," said the little boy.
"Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,"
Answered the little girl.
"Me too," replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from
Church."
"Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl.
"What about you?"
"I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill," replied
The little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they
Decide that they'll walk together.
They come to a low spot in the road where spring rains had
Partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could
Get across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me
Alive," said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
Replied the little boy.
"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm gonna pull off
All my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea," replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the
Same thing with my suit."
So they both undress and wade across to the other side without
Getting their clothes wet.
They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before
Putting their clothes back on when the little boy finally remarked,
"You know, I never did realize before just how much difference
There really is between a Baptist and a Catholic."
--------------
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over
10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's
Certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began
To rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly
There emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting
Aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a
Drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned
Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've
Had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that,
She reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve
Or her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one,
Lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the man,
"that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!" "And
How long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whisky?"
Asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing
That, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket there
And removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a
Long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" stated the Irishman. "'Tis truly
Fantastic!!!" At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip
The long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the
Trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played
Around?" With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and
Sobbed, "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there
Too!"
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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