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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 22.10.19 06:53z 230 Lines 5285 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 10338_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 22/10
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<DB0RES<DB0OVN<DB0GOS<ON0AR<GB7CIP<GB7BEX<GB7YEW
Sent: 191022/0648Z 10338@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Small showers last long, but sudden storms are short
--------
HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
Saturday morning
I got up early quietly dressed made my lunch grabbed the dog and
Slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into a
Torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph so I pulled back into the
Garage turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad
All day.
I went back into the house quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. I
Cuddled up to my wife's back now with a different anticipation and whispered'
The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied 'Can you believe my stupid bloody husband
Is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...
___________
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland.
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE... NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, WASH YOUR HANDS AND
GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
****
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
In bed. I turned to her and said "Do you want to have sex?"
"No" she answered.
I then said"Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time simply saying "Yes."
So I said "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's how the fight started ...
****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter for some reason took my
Order first. 'I'll have the strip steak medium rare please.'
He said 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah' I said' she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started ...
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I
Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
Nearby table.
My wife asked 'Do you know her?'
'Yes' I sighed 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
Drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she
Hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife 'Who would think a person could go on
Celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started .
****
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
Happy with what she sees and says to her husband 'I feel horrible I look
Old fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started ...
-------------
Is there a magic cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable for their own
Actions? Is there a wonderful moment when
Parents can become detached spectators in
The lives of their children and shrug 'It's
Their life' and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties I stood in a hospital
Corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
Stitches in my daughter's head. I asked 'When do
You stop worrying?' The nurse said 'When they get out of the
accident stage.' My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties I sat on a little
Chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
Children talked incessantly disrupted the class And was headed for a
career making
License plates. As if to read my mind a teacher
Said 'Don't worry they all go through
This stage and then you can sit back relax and
Enjoy them.' My dad just smiled
Faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my forties I spent a lifetime
Waiting for the phone to ring the cars to come
Home the front door to open. A friend said 'They're trying to find
themselves.
Don't worry In a few years you can stop worrying. They'll be
Adults.' My dad just smiled faintly
And said nothing.
By the time I was 50 I was sick & tired of being
Vulnerable. I was still worrying over my
Children but there was a new wrinkle. There
Was nothing I could do about it. My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. I
Continued to anguish over their failures, be
Tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
Their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married I
Could stop worrying and lead my own
Life. I wanted to believe that but I was
Haunted by my dad's warm smile and his
Occasional 'You look pale. Are you all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are
You depressed about something?'
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
Lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another
Handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
Human frailties and the fears of the
Unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
That elevates us to the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable
Recently saying to me 'Where were you? I've been
Calling for 3 days and no one answered I was worried.'
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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