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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 19.10.19 08:11z 158 Lines 4897 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 10274_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 19/10
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR2UBX<DB0RES<DB0OVN<DB0GOS<ON0AR<OZ5BBS<CX2SA<N9PMO<
GB7YEW
Sent: 191019/0806Z 10274@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
Locusts sing when the air is hot and dry
------
"No matter how much money you make you always need an extra $40 a week.
I'm sure it was Einstein who first stated: Expense equals salary plus forty
Bucks."
-Jeffrey Jena
---------
On vacation in Hawaii, my mother called a cafe to make reservations
For 7:00 PM.
Checking her book, the cheery hostess said, "I'm sorry, but all we have
Is 6:45 PM. Would you like that?"
"That's fine," Mom replied.
"Okay," the hostess confirmed. Then she added, "Just be advised that
You may have to wait 15 minutes for your table."
----------------
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
'Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.'
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,
'Any idea where we are?'
Mick replied, 'I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year.'
-----------
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband
Called home to tell me he would be late - again. He went on to say that
Dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they
Had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing
That many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous
Post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial.
My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Honey,
Dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned."
Party
-----
This guy goes to a costume party with a girl on his back.
"What the heck are you?" asks the host.
"I'm a snail" says the guy.
"But... You have a girl on your back" replies the host.
"Yeah," he says, "that's Michelle!"
Wedding
-------
At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He
Turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift
That..."
Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the
Sentence, "That you can't return!"
People
------
"In a recent poll, one in four people said they'd donate a kidney to a
Complete stranger. Yeah, sure... 908f people won't even let a stranger
Merge in traffic!"
--Jay Leno
---------------
An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive Into the woods.
Looking for his ball, he finds a wee Leprechaun flat on
His back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his Scotch from the cart and
Poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "Oh, I see.
Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"
Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in
Relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're okay, and I
Apologize. I really didn't mean to hit you." And the golfer walks off.
What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "But it
Was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for
Him. I'll give him the three things I would want-a great golf game,
All the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."
A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the
American golfer is back on the same hole, he again hits a bad drive
Into woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy
Says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "In fact,
that's the first bad ball I've hit in a year! I'm an internationally
Famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're
All right."
Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game,
Ya know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"
Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "I win
Fortunes in golf." If I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull
Out £100 notes I didn't even know were there!"
I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"
The golfer blushes, turns his head away embarrassed, and
Says shyly, "It's OK."
C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to
Know if I did good job. How many times a day? "
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
"Once, sometimes twice a week."
What?!?!" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all?
Only once or twice a week?"
Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a
Catholic priest in a small parish"
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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