| |
GM3YEW > HUMOUR 09.09.19 06:54z 183 Lines 5843 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 8479_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 9/9
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IQ2LB<IK1NHL<CX2SA<N9PMO<GB7YEW
Sent: 190909/0624Z 8479@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
You never miss the water until the well runs dry
--------
Two blondes talking.
One says to the other, "I've just taken a pregnancy test"
The other replies,were the questions hard?
--
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist named Jon
complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long" answered the Mexican.
"But then why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked Jon.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs
and those of his family.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late fish a little play with my children make love to my wife. In the
evenings I go into the village to see my friends have a few drinks play the
guitar and sing a few songs. I have a full life."
The American interrupted"I have an M.BA. From Stanford and I can help
you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the
extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue you can buy a bigger boat.
With the extra money the larger boat will bring you can buy a second one
and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead
of selling your fish to a middle man you can negotiate directly with the
processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave
this little village and move to Mexico CityLos Angeles or even New Jersey!
From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty perhaps twenty-five years."
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting. When your business gets
really big you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?"
"After that you'll be able to retire live in a tiny village near the coast sleep late
play with your children catch a few fish make love to your wife and spend your
evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"
-----------
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad
Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red
Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree
Stump.
"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 kilometres down the
Road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down
Behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little
Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?! I'm
Trying to go to the toilet!"
--------
A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself"Two plus five that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying
and gasped"What are you doing?"
The little boy answered"I'm doing my math homework Mum."
"And this is how your teacher
taught you to do it?" the mother asked
"Yes" he answered.
Infuriated the mother asked the teacher the next day"What are you teaching my son
in math?"
The teacher replied" Right now we are learning addition."
The mother asked" And are you teaching them to say
two plus two that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing she answered" What I taught them was two plus
two THE SUM OF WHICH is four."
* * * *
You gotta love a good nurse. A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital
with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well
However the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about he
finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at
what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair were
three wide strips of adhesive tape the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written
in large black letters was the sentence:
"Get well soon....from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week..."
-------------
Slightly coarse
They always ask at the doctor's surgery why you are
There and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and
Sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's
Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in
a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this and I love the way this old guy
Handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
The desk. The Receptionist said" Yes sir what are you seeing the Doctor for
Today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick "he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said"You shouldn't come into a
Crowded waiting room and say things like that"
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you" he said.
The Receptionist replied "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
Room full of people.
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something
And discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full
Strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked out waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear "he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled knowing he had taken her
Advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it" he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
Read previous mail | Read next mail
| |
