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GM3YEW > HUMOUR 27.07.19 06:25z 249 Lines 6828 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 6286_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: Jokes 27/7
Path: HB9ON<IW2OHX<IR1UAW<IQ5KG<I0OJJ<GB7CIP<EI2GYB<N9LCF<KM8V<GB7YEW
Sent: 190727/0622Z 6286@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
You never miss the water until the well runs dry
-------
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going
to catch you in next.
-- Franklin P. Jones
----
Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and
play games -- but not with pleasure.
-- Leo Rosten
-----
Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they
charge fifteen cents for them.
-----
Doctors at a hospital in Birmingham have gone on strike.
Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands
Are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!
-------------
Hummm let me think , ...why did I send you this......
Don't tell me it's coming to me..... Oh ya.....
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized
For every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary.
We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.
HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out
That it was NOT the senior citizens who took:
The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behaviour,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement, or,
God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated
Patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!
And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism,
And remember those who have fought and died for our country.
YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I'm the life of the party..... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps... With a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like:
Traffic,
Waiting,
Crowds,
Lawyers,
Loud music,
Unruly kids,
Barking dogs,
And a few other things I can't seem to remember right now.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days,
And when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....
I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me,
I wouldn't send it back to them, but I would send it to many more!
Have an Awesome Day
------------------
During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted
Doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a
Serious mistake?"
"Yes," was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!"
---
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that
Expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call
From the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the
Work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for
Them.
Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I
Am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking
Sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows
Would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
Just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!
-------------
"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in
His 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could
Have survived he did not know.
He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction
He would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny
Kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and
Proceeded.
Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his
Path. He moved ahead slowly.
"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell
Several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he
Thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his
Head and felt his gut tighten.
He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some
Light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed
Against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son.
"Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed,
"and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room!"
-------
As the family gathered for a big
dinner together, the youngest son
announced that he had just signed
up at an army recruiter's
office.
There were audible gasps around the
table, then some laughter, as his
older brothers shared their disbelief
that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered
one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training,
scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help,
but she was just gazing at him. When she finally
spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to
make your own bed every morning?"
------------
My wife and I were at my high
school reunion. As I looked around,
I noticed the other men in their
expensive suits...and their bulging
stomachs. Proud of the fact that I
weighed just five pounds more than
I did when I was in high school,
the result of trying to beat a living
out of a rocky hillside farm, I said
to my wife, "I'm the only guy here
who can still wear the suit he wore
when he graduated."
She glanced at the well-dressed crowd,
then back at me, and said, "You're the
only one who has to."
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
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